to those who have experienced my punitive actions

dear person i have knowingly been unkind to,

dear person that i consciously excluded from a space,

dear person that i saw and purposefully did not acknowledge your presence out of spite (as opposed to insecurity, because they are not the same thing),

i am sorry for allowing the system to dictate how i choose to operate, and for allowing the cycle of harm to continue.

while i know that protecting my boundaries, myself, and rising up in defense of those i love is vital ~ so is finding the compassion and courage from within to be brave, bold, and confront those who have committed harm directly and with love with the intent of healing.

i am sorry for and to my past self, for not knowing how to do better. i am sorry to your past self for the harm, the hurt, whatever the negative impact may have been, because without an honest explanation, how are we expected to do better, how do we expect others to be better?

i am still learning and unlearning the ways that i can react that don't contribute to the seemingly endless harm, and still honor and affirm my feelings. so far i have found that writing and venting have proven to be my strongest coping mechanisms, coupled with some physical activity followed up by meditation. though it is a seemingly longer process than housing the hostility and responding reactively forever; it is in the long-term (and short-term, really) considerably more helpful and healing for everyone involved, including and most importantly for yourself.

apologies don't detract harm or impact of harm, but signal hope for a better present and future.

i am sorry for hurting you, i am doing better.

with as much sincerity as i can virtually muster,

jules

P.S. i am also including myself in this, because i have always reacted the Most punitively to myself. in the past i have been the harshest on myself, in the messy, ugly, self-destructive kind of ways. i convince myself i am unwanted, i convince myself i am beyond redemption, and at times i have rendered myself unable to see past my own mistakes and short-comings. i am no longer doing that, and practicing kindness along with accountability with myself.

all the best, i wish you love and healing.