reconnecting with healthy habits

rather than this feeling like screaming into the void like it used to, feels like a documentation of my journey..in a way unlike a log, unlike a journal, unlike any other means of recording, because this form is open to those who wish to share in my experiences.

i have spent the better part of the last few months obsessed with this idea of love, while simultaneously trying to put my life together, while also trying to get myself together, while still trying to support others around me because the world has felt like it's bursting at the seams.

i have been learning how to plan ahead, for an uncertain future - how to start imagining brighter tomorrows and focusing on the things that bring laughter and smiles to peoples faces - how to hold hands with the past me's that i've resented for far too long without even realizing - how to slow down a little bit and breathe a lot more - how to make the most of every moment without letting each moment overwhelm me.

i have been getting involved in activities that i look forward to, finding communities that allow my soul to sing and flourish - figuring out how to express and communicate in the ways that feel most authentic to me. i've gotten back into writing, into creating, into upkeeping my living spaces, directly addressing people and situations - to name a few.

today i got a new queens public library card for the first time in years. out of curiosity, i asked the librarian who helped me if i could see a log of the books i'd taken out years ago, but unfortunately they purge the records (understandably but still disappointingly). i think it'd have been interesting to revisit the old worlds that kept me afloat in my younger years. i used to chew through hundreds of books, taking out stacks and stacks of fantasy novels - imagining worlds where i had powers, empathizing and envisioning lives where i was a protagonist with the courage to do what had to be done.

i've been returning to reading, which has been a slower process but steady. i have a lot of books to get through, which i like to think of more things to look forward to.

life is so vibrant and full and exciting and i am so grateful for all of the blessings and opportunities i have been granted+gifted. tonight i attended a stunning art exhibition opening, got to catch up with a good friend, and acquired a tv (thank u, kavi, second piece of furniture u have helped me raccoon).

i got to work on an art piece i started today, and it felt magnificent to use colors (it's been a while)

and i re-affirmed my self respect, self love, and self-determination, with the support of my amazing loved ones.

i am so grateful to love and be loved.

xo