I believe in MY Power

In the wise words of Raquel Willis, with the voice of Qween Jean echoing in my head, I sit here to begin to share my truth.

I have had a personal blog for over a year, but had it available on my Finsta account because while I love to share as much of myself as possible, there was still a part of me that held onto the guilt, shame, and regret that comes with growth, healing, learning, and unlearning.

Recently, I have hit a personal wall. None of my outlets that previously fueled me and kept my world precarious balanced helped, and I had my first nervous breakdown (my trip to the Catskills). It was a result of an accumulation of the traumas I have undergone in the year 2020, along with recent abrupt changes I had not seen coming. While there were questionable decisions made, what this breakdown helped me realize was the unaddressed familial trauma that my family had swept under the rug in attempts to "return to normalcy" (Harding's slogan, haha), along with the realizations of my own internalized limitations.

While I am familiar with putting my money where my mouth is, I realize it is time to let go of the fear of being seen. Let go of the fear of being perceived by others. Let go of the fear of judgement and allow myself to live as authentically as I can. For those interested I will share the link to my personal blog (https://juliaduze21.wixsite.com/chinesejewce) - though this blog is equally personal and will I intend to categorize on the basis of how structured/organized I plan on writing (since graduating I live in fear of my brain atrophying and have decided to continue to enrich and absorb as much as I can while still balancing my other responsibilities.)

Something I learned in 2020 is that there is no magical moment where we become adults. We will never just suddenly understand, or have the answers we want, need, or deserve. I also realize that the best thing I can do is simply share my journey and hope that those around me can utilize my experiences and learned lessons in their own lives. I don't think that I am particularly extraordinary, but as Joel so eloquently states, I am all about TRANSparency - and I am abolishing the walls I have erected in fear.

I do not know yet if there will be a theme, or if this will be a carefully curated blog in comparison to my other one, but I am excited to share. I am excited to let the world in.

Welcome, to my life.