better late than never!

it is better to do things retro-actively than to never do them at all.

there is no statute of limitations on achieving internal absolution.

~context~

i am finally in a place in my life where i feel like i have a solid sense of self, along with a reliable support system to keep me steadily afloat. i am at peace with my inevitable mortality in a different way than i've ever been (bike accidents and sprained ankles have a way of humbling you, along with spontaneous bouts of anxiety-induced heartburn) i think this is the most i've loved and believed in myself, ever.

today during my fellowship, while on lunch, my fellow fellows and i were talking and it got really real. i was impressed and proud of how i contributed and what i shared and the growth i've definitely exhibited over the past 9 months. it feels like rather than rebirth, it is the excavation of myself, the one that i buried for years, the one i hid deep down, the one i was afraid of letting see the light because i'd been told over and over that there was no place in the spaces i was in for me to be.

anyway this was to say that i gave my friend the advice i'd wish i heard, the 411 that i've recently learned and have been figuring out how to apply to my own life.

for the last 2 years i have been exploring how i feel most comfortable showing up, in every sense of that word. showing up outside the door, showing up in spaces with other people, showing up as in physically, mentally, and emotionally. showing up as being present and not fragmented across space time and feelings, being fully there and not having one foot in the sea of regret.

the other day i got a haircut at my sister's salon and i was asked to explain my head tattoo, which is a scene from everything everywhere all at once. in explaining it, i was able to better understand why i loved the movie so much, and why it impacted me in the ways that it did. speaking of movies that had an impact on my life recently, i also strongly recommend "i was a simple man" as well as "after yang". as a chinese-adoptee to see predominantly asian casts on the big screen (in movies other than martial arts) was momentous.

i have a new post i want to write now lol see u there